Thursday, December 29, 2011

Gearing up for 2012

Wintertime in a resort town is a desolate time, and desolate times call for introspective measures. Tonight, I’ve been sitting around thinking about the year that’s coming up. I’ve realized  a frightening amount of what will happen will most likely be completely out of my control (like if the world ends). Other stuff will be at least partially out of my control (like if I’m groping a woman and screaming “World Motherfucking Champions” from atop a tall building at the precise moment the world ends, if/when it does). Some of the stuff, however, will be completely in my control (like how many times I high five or daps random strangers or sign businesslike emails with “XOXO” before the world ends). I want to take control of the things I can; I think that will help me better cope with the other things that might dissatisfy me or throw me for a loop. So, I made a list of some things I'd like to do/accomplish, in an effort to take the power back, or to at least better myself.

Here are some of them:

—Stop worrying so much about the future. I’ve been a worrier my entire life. I worry about things that are plausible, and things that are so unlikely they’re just ridiculous to worry about. For instance: I spend a lot of time worrying about how I will react to or withstand a hostile alien invasion, but I spend almost no time worrying about falling in the shower and injuring myself when I live alone. I try not to worry, because it’s often a waste of time, but every time I tell myself this, I find myself getting all worried again about the same thing or something else about 15 minutes later. If I spent half the amount of time writing that I spend worrying about not writing adequate things often enough, I probably would have something pretty shitty that equals out to the approximate length of War and Peace. If I substituted writing time for the amount of time I spend looking at porn and combined that with writing during the time I spend worrying, I would be a literary force worth noticing. Or maybe Stephenie Meyer’s heir apparent. It could go either way, but the point I'm trying to make is I won't know until I stop worrying so much and address my burgeoning pornography addiction.

—Make out with a woman in a movie theater. People my age don't seem to do that anymore, because we have homes where parents don't live. But I want to do it. It'll make me feel young in a romantic sense, which is something I've been wanting to feel for the last week, ever since I got the feeling like I was out of place because I didn't get engaged this month. Thanks a lot, Facebook.

—Be more of a man. I’ve never put much of a prize on extreme masculinity, because I feel like in this day and age it’s becoming less and less rampant and maybe even less necessary in most cases. I don’t need to hunt, because I can shop. I don’t need to start a fire, because my apartment has an HVAC system and a television I can use to put on that fake fire channel. I don’t need to camp because, like I said, I have an apartment and pretty much anywhere I go will have hotels or friends with an open couch. The extent of my manliness is I read "The Art of Manliness" newsletter, wear flannel and have chest hair. Still, though, just because I don’t need to do these things doesn’t mean learning how and embracing them on occasion wouldn’t enhance my life in some ways. I don’t need the iPod I’m listening to right now, but I think ingesting music adds to my quality of life and overall well-being. The same could, and probably does, apply to chopping firewood or making your own jerky.

—Quit getting drunk and watching YouTube videos until the wee hours of the morning. I’m not going to quit getting drunk, but the video thing. I always come home and do this shit, when I could be getting some sleep or doing something more productive than watching The National perform “Terrible Love” live for the 958,000th time. It's not like I need to rediscover that Matt Berninger drinks a lot of white wine, and watching these things repetitively is not going to make me any more or less emo than I already am. Staying up until the sun rises when you’re drinking can be cool in the right circumstances, but when you’re sitting staring aimlessly at a computer is not one of them.

—Do more random things I think will be fun, and I want to do them for no real reason. I want to yell “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts,” at a bar or gathering of people and then overzealously connect with anyone and everyone who yells “Can’t Lose!” back. I want to hang up the phone without saying goodbye to people, and then tell them that’s how they do it in the movies whenever they call back all pissed off. At 4:58 p.m. on Fridays, I want to queue up “Born to Run” on my work computer and sprint out of the office as it plays.

—Meet and spend some time with some of the people I sort of know, but don’t know In Real Life. Since I’m so far away from the vast majority of my friends and family, I spend more time alone. I also spend more time entrenched in the technological world than I otherwise would. These two things are certainly related. I've also been lucky enough to meet some people who have wanted to talk to me about things I've written online, and then we gChat and Tweet at each other and become pals on Facebook, so that I'll know when it is their birthday and can creepily browse through their photographs and interests. I value these people, and want to make more of a proactive effort to be around them. I need to get away from the computer and go out and actually do things, like high five a girl and then go to a Zumba class with her. (I told a girl I know, but not IRL, that if we ever met by chance at a gym that I would do those things.)

—Walk up to a random girl in a bar who I have never met and I will talk to her...USING ONLY PROPER NOUNS AND LYRICS FROM NELLY SONGS.

—Run 13.1 miles, because I've forgotten what it's like to physically exhaust myself while doing something I really don't even like in the first place. Apparently, doing only what you want when you want outside of the workplace is not the healthiest way to live, especially if your favorite things to do include eating as much as you possibly can.

—Light a cigarette for Sloane Crosley.

—More than anything else, I'd like to stop dwelling so much on the past. There are things in my past I've spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about. These are usually things I wish I could get back in one sense or another, but they are things I cannot reacquire. In some cases, they're things I look nostalgically back on that, if I was being truly honest with myself, I wouldn't want to reacquire anyway.

—Start writing a book.

1 comment:

Irrishdew said...

I also recommend getting a crush and doing nothing about it. Then you'll remember what it's like to pine after someone without tainting it with actual interaction. Or maybe that's just me.

Otherwise, find someone to hold hands with and make out with in movie theaters. (just make sure it's a theater where the armrest goes up - those things are a bitch).