Alcohol and fierce partying have gone hand in hand for as long as anyone can remember, and so much so that in some circles it is now frowned upon to get hammered if you are not in a party setting (I strongly disagree with this notion, but society seems to see things differently than me at times). For most drinkers, their partying experiences begin sometime in high school or very early in their freshman year of college, a time before they can go to bars or nightclubs or purchase their own alcoholic beverages. Some begin to stray away from the party scene once they reach the legal age in favor of established booze outlets. These are the people who were never really drinkers at all, and they have no credibility as such. They believe that once you reach a certain age, it is inappropriate to participate in keg stands or boat races. They are the people that always stood in the corner during the parties, sipping on a beer and attempting to find a mate for later on that evening.
There are those people, and there are the rest of us. The people that don’t’ need to find a mate for later on in the evening because we have already found her in the bottom of a bottle, and if we were to actually find a girl willing to go home with us, we would pass out on top of her. We are the people that go to the bars some nights, and the parties other nights. Some nights we go to the party and drink as much as we can for a small price before heading to the bar so that we don’t have to buy as many expensive beers to get tanked. We usually end up returning to the aforementioned party after last call if we are still able to stand.
It is for us that parties are designed, but one must admit that parties gain a sort of monotony after an amount of time. They seem to all be the same: beer pong, flip cup, keg stands, people puking, occasional dancing (mainly by the women and the goofy group of guys that pop their collars and garner respect from no one), etc. I’m not saying that these entities of a stereotypical party are not awesome, and I love them with all of my heart. I am saying, however, that where a usual party is great, there is room for improvement. It can be made better.
All you have to do is add a theme.
Theme parties were brought to prominence originally by college fraternities, but have since become popular among normal self-respecting people as well. A theme party is whenever the host declares a certain theme for the night, and all partygoers must adhere to this theme. Another common variation is that the party attendees who are dressed or acting within the established theme drink for free or receive a discount from the house.
It is important to note that all of the regular party experiences be made available during a theme party, since the object of one is to enhance the drinking/partying experience, not to altogether alter it into something that it is not. Have fun with it and be creative in creating and making your selections. Here are a few suggestions to get you started on the right path:
Office Hoes and CEOs: This is a theme party that seems to be designed for a classier crowd, but really has a hidden pretense: to get girls to dress provocatively. (This is an entity that will come up repeatedly in theme parties, because even if we are drinkers of a hardcore nature, we still like to at least look at women.) The girls are expected to dress up as secretaries that dress to climb the corporate latter and would not hesitate to give their boss a blowjob to relax him before a career defining presentation. Skirts are highly recommended, with usually a button-up blouse that reveals massive amounts of cleavage. Schoolgirl plaid skirts are also highly encouraged, even if they step out of the usual bounds of the corporate world. If any girl comes in wearing one of those pantsuits that you most often see on bankers with butch haircuts, she must be promptly ejected.
Guys are expected to wear a tie, which isn’t really that much of a sacrifice if it enables you to see women in skirts all night. Slacks are encouraged, jeans are forbidden, and if you wear an entire suit you will be extremely respected by your peers. A great thing about theme parties is that you get praise for going all out with your attire, and there is no such thing as going too far.
Rave Night: Before you immediately dismiss this one on the grounds that you believe the main ingredient of a rave is ecstasy abuse, think about all of the fun drunks could have if they threw one of these. A basement is ideal for this kind of theme party, since no outside light can be allowed to come into the venue. If there are windows, cover them with cardboard, plywood, or another opaque object. This is more of an expensive party to set up, because you must replace all of the light bulbs in the basement with black lights, and you must buy highlighters and neon paper to decorate the scene with. Clear cups must be used for beer pong, and you can dip highlighter ink into the water to make it glow. The gentlemen most often go shirtless at some point during the evening, and people begin to write on them with highlighter. Ladies are also highly encouraged to jump on the shirtless bandwagon.
The most important piece to complete the successful rave puzzle is, without any doubt, the music selection. There must be all kinds of ridiculous techno tunes playing throughout the evening, but current music can also be inserted once every four or five songs, just to keep people excited. Be sure to insert popular songs that people know the words to, because there is nothing a drunken enjoys more than sing “Don’t Stop Believing” with his buddies.
Title Nine Night: If you are a guy you know that most women want to be seen as your equal. Since you are reading this, I have the notion that you are undoubtedly an upstanding citizen and the absolute definition of a gentleman. Since you are both of these, then you should have no problem whatsoever in celebrating the equality of women. That’s what this party is all about, and it’s becoming a favorite of the “Sausage Fest” crowd.
Most college students take it as a given that women do not have to pay to drink at parties, and guys usually have to pay at least five dollars. I assume that this tradition started with a few parties, hoping to draw the ladies out for some drunken fun; and if the girls don’t have to pay, they may make drunken idiots of themselves and go home with one of the men at the party.
Eventually, this must have backfired, because everyone began doing it hoping to attract the ladies, and now it is seen as a sort of unwritten law that women do not have to pay to drink at college parties (or other parties I’m assuming. I’m still a collegian.). So, if you’re having a party and believe it will attract women by allowing them to drink for free, you are sorely mistaken.
This is how I came across the idea for a Title 9 party. If women want to be equal so bad, let’s give it to them, right? Have a party where all the ladies have to pay the same price as the men. This is a plausible theme for a few reasons: 1) If the normal amount of attendees show up, the party-throwers will make twice the amount of money that they normally would, and 2) if advertised correctly, this party may attract a great deal of women since they might find you more trustworthy than most college frat brothers, because they would feel that by having them pay, you weren’t trying to lure them there so that you could knock boots later on in the evening. It shows them that you’re into equality, but at the same time apathetic to the attendance of females at your party.
Grey’s Anatomy/ Doctors and Nurses Night: This is one of my absolute favorites, because everyone feels empowered when they’re wearing a stethoscope and lab coat. If I were to throw one of these, I’d be parading around the house in my white coat (and only my white coat) calling myself Dr. McDreamy and taking shots of Wild Turkey to mentally prepare for the interns I was going to punish for wrongly setting up an IV at the party to come. Then I would console them and coax them into the sack with my self-confidence, nonchalance, and unparalleled wit.
This is pretty self-explanatory. The attendees of the party must dress as doctors or nurses. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to wear to this certain theme party. Most of the guys will dress as doctors: white coat, normal wear underneath, shit like that. The women, however, can be read more easily. If they are wearing a doctors coat, don’t rule them out completely. This shows that they are ambitious, but they still may have a freaky side and could possibly wear glasses whenever they are studying, which can be extremely sexy on the right frame. They can also be power hungry with a God complex, which is mildly disconcerting, so conversation is actually necessary if trying to pick up one of the doctors. Some may wear a set of scrubs. If you see this, either kick them out or stay the fuck away. These types make no bones about it: they are ambitious, they are surgeons, and they will cut hearts out and dicks off. Keep your distance during flipcup, as they may be carrying a scalpel in their pocket. The third mode of dress you will see at these parties, the majestic mode of dress if you will, is the nursing mode of dress. Girls here hospital party, and they bust out their naughty nurse uniforms, like the girl that was in all of those Blink 182 videos when I was in the sixth grade. A girl like that is obviously a slut, or at least a closet freak. Stick with them.
Conclusion: Okay, so there are a few ideas for theme parties to get you started. Some others that I’ve been witness to are Cowboys vs. Indians night, which is an absolute riot whenever the police show up. Farmer night, Graffiti party, Christmas party, Biker night (Lance Armstrong style), and Famous Drunk Person Night.
If you’re unsatisfied with your party experience, give one of these a try. They will surely add excitement to your normal and monotonous party experience. Go on, live the dream. Feel young again!
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